Perspective
by Hna
Summary: !!**UPDATED**!! - This time from Gallant's POV
1. Two Years Later

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the ER 'gang'  
  
Perspective  
  
Authors Notes: At the beginning this may seem like a Jinter - its not!!! Each chapter will be narrated by Chen, Abby, Carter or Gallant but it's a progressive story and not like Four Corners because they are not talking about the same day (I hope that makes sense).  
  
2 Years Later (Chen)  
  
Tomorrow will be it. 2 years. A long time? Depends how you look at it, every shift I work I swear gets longer but compared to a lifetime 2 years is nothing - a small fraction. Tomorrow Michael will be 2 - my baby will be 2; but he isn't my baby is he? The photographs they sent, the brief phone calls - he's their son, he calls them Mom and Dad - he doesn't know who I am. To him I'm a stranger but to be fair I chose to do this - it's not their fault. I couldn't have brought up a child but then again I didn't try. I took what I thought would be the easy way out but when it comes to it, it wasn't that easy - it isn't that easy. Everyday, the same thoughts. Every birthday, his or mine, brings back those feelings.  
  
'You Ok?'  
  
I wipe the tears from my eyes, I know who's there, Carter.  
  
'Yeah'  
  
He doesn't look convinced; I don't feel convincing.  
  
'You don't come here often'  
  
'I needed some fresh air'  
  
'Because you felt sick or you needed to think'  
  
I bow my head slightly.  
  
'You a psychic or something'  
  
'I'd like to think so but honestly I come up here a lot usually for the second reason'  
  
I sigh and wonder if he remembers. I doubt it - nobody else does.  
  
'Doesn't seem like that long ago does it?'  
  
He just answered the question.  
  
I shake my head - he seems to understand  
  
'Do you regret it?'  
  
'I don't know'  
  
I can feel the tears coming again, 1 by 1 they slowly trickle down my face soon they no longer trickle but cascading. 'I just don't know'  
  
'Hey come here'  
  
He pulls me towards him and hugs me.  
  
This is what I needed, for someone to just understand, in fact not even understand - just to have someone listen willingly.  
  
'It's cold up here, lets go to Doc's. My treat'  
  
I can do nothing but smile gratefully; the tears are still coming. He takes my hand, its only now that I realise how cold I am.  
  
We walk back down through the ER, I try to hide my bloodshot eyes and the streaky paths of tears but I can see the puzzled, sympathetic looks in my colleagues eyes. We manage to make it to the exit without having to talk to anyone but thing are never that simple.  
  
Kerry. It's always something with her.  
  
'Carter, Chen where do you think you're going?'  
  
We don't bother to turn round; Carter just raises his arm and carries on walking. I originally thought she was going to follow us but Randi rather conveniently distracted her.  
  
We walk over to Doc's and order coffee. We sit there and talk. It's great getting it off my chest but I know that I'll still be wreck tomorrow, but look at the 'bright' side - I still have 2 hours of my shift and a few hours sleep until then.  
  
As if on cue Susan bursts into Doc's - unfortunately she sees us.  
  
'We've got multiple GSW's coming in, it's all hands on deck'  
  
'E.T.A?' Carter asks  
  
'4 mins'  
  
'We're coming'  
  
He turned back to look at me  
  
'Ready?'  
  
'Yeah'  
  
The next two hours are going to be busy.  
  
1 DOA and two other teenagers - street fight.  
  
As we wheeled him through the ER I fell back into automatic mode - listening to the paramedics commentary - if you ask me in an hours time about the patient this is the stuff I'll have forgotten - you get so used to hearing the same things your reactions become reflex.  
  
*The next day*  
  
I don't want to go to work today - I say that most morning but today I just don't think I can face people - screaming patients or sympathetic friends included.  
  
The alarm woke me up, the sleazy weather woman announcing that surprisingly enough it would be cold again.  
  
Sooner than I expect I find myself at County. For the first few hours I'm ok, no obnoxious patients or major traumas so far. Saying that, the paramedics have just walked in and don't seem to be with any other doctors.  
  
Oh my God - it's a baby - someone has dumped it. I don't think I can handle this today.  
  
'Chen!'  
  
'Chen!'  
  
'Yeah'  
  
I shake myself out of my trance - now isn't the time for self pity.  
  
'I need some help over here'  
  
'Breathing?'  
  
'Barely'  
  
'Get him in a trauma room'  
  
'Carter I need some help'  
  
He looks at me  
  
'You Ok with this?'  
  
'Not really but he needs help'  
  
'If your sure'  
  
'I am, I'll be fine'  
  
Yet again he doesn't seem convinced. Deep breath, here we go.  
  
*1/2 Hour Later*  
  
I'm taking a break. He died. Hypothermia. Today of all days.  
  
Abby's just walked in she doesn't look too happy.  
  
'You Ok?'  
  
She doesn't say anything  
  
'You look pissed off'  
  
'Well..'  
  
'One of those days?'  
  
'Something like that'  
  
Then nothing.  
  
Susan and Carter have just entered the room.  
  
Abby face drops even further, wonder whats going on there?  
  
Susan flops on the couch, Carter goes to make coffee and Abby makes some excuse and leaves.  
  
'What are you guys doing tonight?'  
  
'Nothing' Susan replies  
  
'Me neither' Carter mutters  
  
'Do you want to go out and get hammered?'  
  
Carter just looks at me as if to say 'are you sure you want to do that?' but Susan seems up for it.  
  
'Meet you at eight?'  
  
'Sure'  
  
I'm gonna drown my sorrows for one night only.  
  
------- Yet another one from me. I haven't written a Chen story before so this was kinda new to me. I need some help!!!!! I need to gather as much information about Gallant as I can if you can help me please email your info to doojit2002@yahoo.co.uk Thank you for reading and please review!!!!! -Hna 


	2. Wasted

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the ER 'gang'  
  
Wasted (Abby)  
  
Well, I think it's safe to say I was completely wasted - but unusually I can still remember what happened. Or at least I will be able to when my head stops pounding long enough to think. I'm currently lying on my bed, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. I look across at the clock, 10:00 - I have an hour of so-called freedom  
  
I remember watching Carter and Chen walking around the ER. He had his arm around her. I remember going to the toilets and throwing up. I remember walking back out to see them leaving the ER together.  
  
I told Weaver I didn't feel to good and she told me to go home. I left the ER but I didn't go home. I spent most of the evening in some bar. Drinking beer and wine - so much for not mixing my drinks. I wanted it to go away - I wanted to wake up and have none of this happen. I wanted to be someone else and you know what I didn't - I felt like me. No matter how much I drunk I felt let down, empty and betrayed. When the bar closed I went to the liquor store and bought a 6 pack of beer. By 2 o clock this morning I'd drank all of them but 1 - it's in the kitchen somewhere. I don't know how I managed to crawl into bed but I kept on seeing that image - them leaving together.  
  
All the time I thought something was there but it wasn't he wanted to be with Chen. I never saw anything there but maybe I was looking through rose- tinted spectacles. I wanted to be with him so much but I kept pushing and pushing and in the end I must have pushed to hard. But honestly if he was that quick to get with someone else then maybe he didn't care as much as I thought. In fact looking back he pushed me away - he was determined that was still hung up over Luka - it was like he wanted me to be.  
  
I crawled off my bed and had a very long shower not that it made me feel any better but then again neither did the painkillers. Somebody up there must really hate me - I have a drinking problem, my family's screwed, my so called best friend spends all his time comforting other people - you know the type of people that you just happen to be present at the birth of their child AND I work shifts.  
  
I make my way through several cups of coffee and walk the all too familiar route to County. Unlike usual I don't stop at Magoo's on the way in - I don't think I could face Carter or Chen in a 2 to 1 situation. I know it's unlikely that I wont see them but in the ER there's more opportunity to escape.  
  
I walk straight past the lounge, instead I go to the nurses station. As per usual the conversation is trivial.  
  
'Morning Abby'  
  
I put on a fake smile  
  
'Hey'  
  
'You alright girl you look'  
  
'Hung over?'  
  
'I wasn't going to say that but now you mention it!'  
  
'Don't worry about it but I look better than I feel'  
  
'Feeling kind of low then'  
  
'Thanks Malik'  
  
'That's not what I meant'  
  
'Don't sweat it'  
  
I turned to walk into the lounge - I had 5 minutes to get coffee.  
  
I was at the coffee machine when I heard the door close behind me.  
  
'Is it true?'  
  
It was an all to familiar voice - a voice I didn't think I could cope with.  
  
'Is what true?'  
  
I turned to face him  
  
'That you're hung over'  
  
'Carter don't start'  
  
'Is that where you went last night? To a bar'  
  
'Is that any of your business?'  
  
'Probably not but I want to help you'  
  
'Yeah, right'  
  
'You know how this could spiral don't you? You ought to go to a meeting before it gets too bad'  
  
'Carter just shut up. You don't know what you're talking about. Can't you see it is already bad. Just shut up'  
  
By this point I was yelling. He just looked at me. I wish I could just pull those eyes out of his sockets and give him one that didn't look at me like that.  
  
I composed myself and said in whisper, 'Just go back to Chen'  
  
I put my coffee down and headed to the door but he blocked my path  
  
'Is that what this is about?'  
  
'Let me past'  
  
'Why wont you talk to me?'  
  
It was at this point I thanked God for nosy nurses especially Haleh  
  
'Is everything Ok in here'  
  
I shook my head and left. I heard him call my name but didn't turn around, I couldn't.  
  
Hmm, I quite like this fic but the question is do you?!?!?!?! Feedback always welcome/NEEDED. As before I need some background info on Gallant if anyone has any and I'm also looking for some other sites to post my fiction on so to get more feedback. 


	3. Miscommunication

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the ER 'gang'  
  
Authors Notes: Thanks to Laura for her help on this chapter  
  
Miscommunication (John)  
  
'Abby', I shout after her but she keeps on walking.  
  
If she wants to play it like that then that's her perogative.  
  
'Carter get out of here'  
  
'What?'  
  
'Go get a coffee or something, to be honest I don't care what you do just go and calm down'  
  
That was half an hour ago, now I'm at the river. I've calmed down physically but my heads been all over the place, it still is. So many different emotions: anger, disappointment, guilt, fear, self-disgust etc.  
  
She doesn't know about Chen but I still don't understand, I was being a friend to Chen, helping her through a tough time; I did that for Abby when she was with Luka. Double standards.  
  
She doesn't know as much about me as she thinks. I'm lying. She knows a lot, more than a lot of people but she only believes what she wants to. And I know a lot about her, not as much as I'd like. I wish she'd trust me and tell me when she was hurt - I used to be able to tell, she let down her barriers for me but now, now shes built them back up. So much has changed since then, she used to be my friend, my best friend, now shes something else, something more.  
  
To be honest I think she knows, she chooses not to admit it. I think she feels the same, it would explain her comment about Chen. That shocked me. In any other circumstances that would've almost been funny but today wasn't a joke. Today, something happened, something that could change everything.  
  
I think back to earlier, the part when I realised so much had changed  
  
'Can't you see it is already bad'  
  
A great friend I am, I should've seen it coming. She felt so bad she had a drink, not just 1 or 2 enough to get drunk, enough to start it all again. Not only did I fail to notice that she felt that low, not only did I not notice she was drinking but when she tell me I preached.  
  
I should apologise. I had no right to say that to her, so hypocritical. I have to apologise and now.  
  
I walk back to County, it's only now that I realise how cold it actually is.  
  
It's unusually quiet as I walk through the door. Kerry's just got in the elevator, Pratt and Gallant are arguing in the corridor and the rest of the staff are crowded around the admit desk. I cant see Abby, she might be in the lounge. Just before I reach the lounge I hear her voice behind me. Shes not talking to me shes talking with everyone else. Everyone but me. I decide to join the conversation or at least try to listen to it. I grab a chart from the rack so that my involvement doesn't seem too desperate. No- one looks up but Susan.  
  
'Carter, are you going to join us at the lava lounge?'  
  
I make it look as if I've only just been acquainted with the conversation, hopefully Susan won't notice.  
  
'Who's we?'  
  
I need to know if she's going.  
  
'Me, Malik, Chuny, Luka.'  
  
'Um, you know I don't think so'  
  
'Ditching your friends hey?'  
  
That's ironic - didn't think I had any left.  
  
'No, I'm just not in the mood'  
  
Susan raised her eyebrows and turned her attention to Abby.  
  
'What about you Abby?'  
  
I'm watching her so hard I'm surprised I haven't burnt a hole in her arm. She looks at me, square in the eye, her eyes look different, not cold but desolate.  
  
'Yeah, why not'  
  
I cant quite make out whether she did it because she honestly wants to or whether she said it to spite me. Whichever one it was I don't want to be near her now. I take the chart and walk into Curtain 1.  
  
My initial reaction was shock I couldn't believe she was going to set herself up all over again, but, after being with a few patients I just wanted to know why. But she wont talk to me, I've tried several times. I'm off now though it can wait till tomorrow.  
  
Maybe it wont, shes standing in the ambulance bay talking to Gallant. I could talk to her or I could just say goodnight, I'll talk to her, I wont be able to sleep if I don't, anyway, what have I got to lose.  
  
I walk out the doors hoping she'll notice me, if I have to start I'll say something I'll regret. Gallant sees me. He says goodbye to me and Abby, alerting her of my presence and then he goes back through the doors.  
  
'Come to warn me about another one of my vices'  
  
I need to lighten the tone, make it tolerable.  
  
'I have vices too you know'  
  
That came out wrong  
  
'Really? I'd never have guessed that. That makes you a hypocrite as well as a preacher'  
  
'Why are you so angry at me?'  
  
She let out a sarcastic sigh.  
  
'All I wanted to do was help you'  
  
'Help me, fix me, same difference'  
  
'Why wont you let someone help you?'  
  
'You mean why wont I let you help me'  
  
She was right. I didn't want just anyone to help her, I wanted to help her.  
  
'Your right, that is what I meant, but surely the answers the same'  
  
'I'm not your problem to solve'  
  
'Why wont you help yourself then?'  
  
Our voices were rising again.  
  
'I..'  
  
Her voice was faltering, she didn't know what to say.  
  
'Uh, I.'  
  
She was about to cry. I knew she wouldn't, not in front of me anyway.  
  
'You have no idea what I've been through'  
  
'Whats that then? Desperation? I've been there. Vicious circles? Done them too. Realising your best friend doesn't talk to you anymore? What do you think we're doing now'  
  
I didn't just say that.  
  
She looks up at me, I see her eyes change, that look of sadness, that look from in the lounge return.  
  
She bows her head again.  
  
'Realising my best friend doesn't need me anymore'  
  
She's turned and started to walk before it hits me what she said.  
  
'I do need you. More than you think'  
  
Yey!! I've updated all of my current fics (I think) this week. Hopefully there'll be some more updates over the next few weeks. Another mention to Laura is required as she helped a lot with this chapter. Please review I know I need the feedback!!!!!! Luv Hna xXx 


	4. Backtracking

Disclaimer: I don't own Abby, Carter or any of the ER 'gang'  
  
Backtracking (Gallant)  
  
* 5 Minutes Earlier *  
  
She looks terrible, not just tired, exhausted. Mind you after the fiasco earlier, I have no idea what it was about, I try not to get involved; my problems are complicated enough. I don't want people nosing into my problems so I'd be a hypocrite if I got involved in theirs.  
  
'You still smoke?'  
  
'Looks like it. Sorry didn't mean to bite your head off'  
  
'Tough day?'  
  
Ask a stupid question. I'm not being hypocritical; it's just polite to ask. I like Abby we get along quite well, probably because I haven't graduated in being 'dismissive and condescending' yet.  
  
'Yeah. I'm fine, really, just.you know'  
  
'Hasn't your shift finished?'  
  
'Yeah'  
  
'Waiting for someone?'  
  
'Something like that'  
  
She took a large drag and then continued.  
  
'Well, more like hoping but it's a long story I wont bore you with'  
  
Carter approaches us.  
  
'Well, I better go. Good night Abby. Dr Carter'  
  
'Night'  
  
I turn to leave. Are they under as much pressure as me? On the outside my life mustn't look that bad, I'm in my mid-twenties, supposedly young and carefree. I'm being paid to go through med school, life's sweet. Or so they say.  
  
It's not work, hell no. I love doing what I do, and to be able to do it while upholding the 'family tradition' by being in the army is even better. Don't get me wrong I'm not just in the army because the others were; it's an honour but a burden at the same time. A lot of people think I'm only there to get through med school. There's so much pressure on me - I have to live up to the expectations of my family, the military and everyone at work. Sometimes it's not really a problem but other times, other times I don't think I can do it.  
  
But at the moment its not like that, a few weeks ago it was, hell, a few days ago it was but something changed that. It was the phone call from my brother  
  
Earlier in the week I got home to see the infamous light on the answer phone flashing. The message, short as it was, was undeniably Steve. Steve's a good kid, a teenager, yeah, but still, he's a good kid. Anyway, he left a message saying nothing more than, 'Hi, it's me, call back', I knew something was up; he never calls me otherwise. I called him back as soon as I realised who it was.  
  
* Earlier In The Week *  
  
'Hi Steve, it's me'  
  
'Oh hi. You got my message then?'  
  
'Guess so'  
  
He said nothing so I went on.  
  
'So what's wrong'?  
  
'What gave you the impression something was wrong?'  
  
'You never call otherwise' I sighed  
  
'Well, you know, everything's up'  
  
'Like?'  
  
'Well, I've got an assignment to do about what I want to do when I 'grow up' and Dad's gone into lecture mode about how I should do it on the military, but I don't know. He's driving me mad, you know, I don't know how much more I can take. Holidays are supposed to be relaxing'  
  
'Oh yeah your on Christmas break aren't you?'  
  
'I got it, I can come and stay with you, and go into work with you?'  
  
'Are you sure you'd want to?'  
  
'Yeah I'd be great and I'd get away from Dad. Would you be allowed to bring me into work with you'  
  
'I don't see why it would be a problem but are you sure? Have you asked Dad?'  
  
'I'll be right back'  
  
At this point the only thought running through my head was 'where's he going to sleep?' It was only after the phone call that I began to think 'Oh my God'  
  
So it was settled, I'd pick him up at the train station at 7 o' clock tonight and he'd stay with me for 3 days. I asked Weaver she said 'As long as it doesn't interfere with your work, I don't care what you do'.  
  
* Now *  
  
The train should be in any minute. It'll be great to see Steve; it's been quite a while. What with work and things I don't get to see my family a lot.  
  
The train pulls up along the side of the platform  
  
'Well, well, well, if it isn't Michael Gallant himself' Steve calls from behind me  
  
I spin round to see him standing there with a grin on his face.  
  
He's changed since I last saw him; he's taller and has hair.  
  
'Hey. Long time no see. How was the journey?'  
  
'Ok I guess but I'm starving. Is there any chance of getting some pizza?'  
  
'Yeah, Why not. Right this way'  
  
We take the El back to the apartment.  
  
'So what time does your shift start tomorrow?'  
  
'Seven'  
  
'What? I'm sorry but there's no way.'  
  
I laugh at this - I used to be exactly the same  
  
'It's Ok - I'll leave you some money to get a cab to County when you're ready'  
  
'Cool'  
  
'What topping?'  
  
'Ham and Pineapple'  
  
* The Next Day *  
  
'Gallant!'  
  
I turn around to see Deb running down the hall  
  
'Gallant wait'  
  
'What is it?'  
  
'Frank told me to tell you that there's some kid called Steve waiting in chairs for you.'  
  
'Oh thanks'  
  
'Who is it? You don't me asking do you?'  
  
'No, he's my brother, he's come to stay for a few days'  
  
'Oh. Hope he likes it as much as the rest of us' She finishes before walking into the lounge.  
  
'Hi Steve'  
  
He stands up and looks around  
  
'So this is where you work then?'  
  
'Ah, yes, the ER vortex'  
  
Ok then, I'm glad I finally did this chapter - I'm not sure if I got his character across as well as others might do but hopefully it isn't to bad. Please R&R - Luv Hna xXx 


End file.
